okay, NOW, what do you think?

i changed the template again. if anyone saw the old one it was like i made it when i was 16 on a sugar binge while watching fast paced cartoons that can give you seizures. i am not totally pleased with this one, but...COOKIE! cookie monster is my man even though producers have been forced to make him say that cookies are a sometimes food because some parents find it more productive to complain about *(#@&*^#%@ cookie monster instead of parenting their children. tangent there. i do like how he pops up to say hi after you scroll down. i did make changes to a day in the life... that i absolutely love! YaY :)

this is what's going wrong...

ok, so yesterday i hadn't eaten much at all as per usual it seems...at night i got the munchies and walked to the corner store and got smartfood popcorn and reese's pieces. and i ate the whole 5 and 3 servings respectively. i was hungry because i hadn't eaten. and i enjoyed the snacky-ness of it, it was fun to eat. annoying. but everything in moderation i guess. does that apply to binge eating?

today i have only had...lemon, 1 bread, 2 eggs, smartbalance oil, coffee, tea, skim milk. i should eat something. i walked only a little today. i might exerbike, but i showered so i might wait until tomorrow. no plans for the weekend.

whaddya think?

new layout! it might be too much for the eyes. what do you think? i used a lot of pink which is actually quite rare for me. and it might be too light. what do you think? i might change it. i might keep it. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

UPDATE: I reversed the colors and it feels way more "me" now. what do you think?

*another* new plan!

ok, well, in the previous post a week ago i stated things that did not happen, mainly that i was going to keep track of my food and exercise daily. i actually could probably remember day by day but that might hurt my brain and seems pointless so instead i'll give a recap. and i still think it's a good idea to keep track of everything. maybe i will start that tomorrow.

i have been taking my thyroid supplement daily. it's been a week+, woot! i've still been doing morning stretches every day and using my feldenkraus block for deeper neck and back stretching. i walked to and from bus-stops and places. i used the exercise bike at least one day for like an hour. my recliner broke and i had pieces leaning on the bike, i since have moved them and used it as mentioned. i haven't had much of an appetite. i've been eating all the same stuff since i haven't been to the store. i ordered in from the vegan asian place on oscar night and *still* have leftovers, i should really eat that tonight even though it's 10pm.

i also realized that i haven't drank in a month. that's a good thing. i had 1 1/2 beers on monday night bc i went to a show. it would've been 2 but i spilt 1/2, oh well, it was free :) i was going to weigh myself, but i forgot. oh well.

logic

i couldn't sleep last night and i lay awake thinking, 'it's absolutely ridiculous that not only can i not lose weight but i can't even maintain my weight'. i think binge eating is still the culprit. i barely have any appetite and sometimes feed myself bc i know i need to eat, for example, yesterday, i had a babybel cheese bc i hadn't eaten, wasn't hungry, but needed protein. this totally satisfied me for hours until i had my left overs before school. sometimes, it sends me into an eating binge, i don't realize how hungry i am until i eat and then i gorge on everything i can find or make poor chooses because the joy of food overcomes the rational mind.

i have decided a few things. 1-i took my thyroid supplement this morning, i am going to take it everyday. (i talked to my grandma on my mom's side and she has a thyroid issue too along with my dad, so i am getting the genes from both sides on this one) 2-i am going to monitor what i eat through this blog, of course i am going to try to be healthy, but everything is going up there so i have a record. 3-i am going to monitor the exercise i do no matter how minimal and include info if i was carrying a bag, etc, and again, everything is going up here so i have a record. 4-how do i see results? i am not big into weighing myself, plus my scale has a 10pound up or down rate of accuracy (don't get scales at thrift stores, folks) and i don't want to get the tape measure bc i know that will automatically deter me. i will think about this one, but basically i think i'll be able to see it, feel it and fit into my favorite clothes again if it's working!

Tuesday Food:
-lots of water throughout day
-1/2 fresh squeezed lemon & cayenne
-pear slice
-coffee
-soy creamer
-babybel cheese
-sesame citrus tofu
-broccoli
-multi whole grain rice

that's it. i got some luna bars and fruit leathers from trader joe's and i have one of each in my school bag if i get hungry at school so a) i don't spend $ and b) i don't eat crap.

Tuesday Exercise:
-morning stretches
-walked to store (approx. 1/2 mile)
-walked from store with full grocery bag and 12 roll of TP (approx 1/10 mile - took bus which i wouldn't normally do but since i still hurt, i did)
-walked to bus-stop with school bag on (approx. 1/2 mile)
-walked to class and up lots of stairs carrying bag by side (approx. 1/2 mile)
-walked from class to bus-stop (a little less than 1/2 mile)
-walked from bus-stop home carrying bag at side (a little less than 1/2 mile)
-feldenkraus block neck and back stretches
(walking total = about 2 miles)

treated myself

ok. it was valentines day, i was in pain from my side and my period and had no plans but to stay in alone and watch tv, i decided to treat myself to my favorite things: pizza and ice cream. i ordered a mushroom pizza from the cheap pizza place and it came in a shape of a heart!


later i walked to the store and got ice cream. needless to say sunday i felt quite ill. i actually can't believe i used to eat like this all the time. sunday i didn't have much of an appetite and probably had oatmeal. and then monday i still felt like i couldn't walk to the store and carry too much and i found an *amazing* vegan asian place that delivers for only $2.99 (mega cheap compared to $6.49 if i want indian and at all places (besides pizza) you have to order $20) and it was sooooooooo good. i had 2 rolls that weren't fried to death. then i got steamed dumplings that were to die for. they have avocado, blueberry and strawberry shakes, so i got a strawberry one and i would've totally been FULL. but i still had my multi-grain rice and sesame-citrus tofu with broccoli to tackle. i had a little and have a full meal for today!

i had made a list and said i would never order in again, that has been broken several times and a friend suggested to make it a treat for myself once in a while. i think i will, that is much more logical a solution anyway, moderation. i will also explore other places that deliver and not think that pizza is my only option, bc if other places are as good as this asian place, i am psyched!

happy eating, happy exercising, happy health!

cheezy poofs!

ok, so i've been in pain, as mentioned. i haven't had much of an appetite. i've been eating light: (coffee), oatmeal, soup, creamed spinach, cottage cheese, lemon juice, those are the things i can think of right now. and i ordered pizza which lasted like 3 days but by the third day it was fairly gross and hard but i nuked it til it was soft and ate it bc i didn't want to order in again and can't walk all the way to the store yet.

BUT...after illin with my friends i got home and had the munchies bad and got cheetos and reese's pieces. totally satisfying. it's my lady time so i figured i had at least one freebie. it was worth it.

i've been stretching everyday and using my feldnekraus block. yesterday i went for a hike with mel-g in the state park where they live, well, the land right off of it. it hurt at the end but i think i did really well. mel-g said she could feel the thing in my side, like a muscle firing or something. i might go to the store bc i literally have no food. or i might ride the exerbike. woo, health!

broken

as in me and costiochondritis and the rules. but oh well. i've been stretching everyday, walking a bit, i rode the exerbike for an hour yesterday :) i've been drinking a lot of water and not eating that much but eating fairly well. i need to get to the store. stat.

broke the rules

the other night after school i had a mini bag of yogurt and green onion kettle chips.

then i also walked to the corner store and got cheddar chex party mix and reese's pieces bc they were 88cents. dammit.

last night i was in so much pain that i couldn't move, i tried to walk but there was no way i could walk to and from the store and carry stuff. i ordered pizza, but one with light cheese and roasted red peppers and spinach and mushrooms and olives, it was good. and i have more for today.

comcast is supposed to be here btw 10-12 and i plan to exerbike whilst watching some cable tv programming. woot.

better

so, i followed all my immediate goals that i could except going shopping bc i haven't had a chance. that will also help not eating at school and better night snacking. i haven't exerbiked yesterday or today but i have stretched and walked.

I ate: coffee with creamer (need to find a sweet enough / healthy enough solution to coffee), V8 juice, peanuts, an orange and naked juice (all fruit). that can't be it. that is it. what the hell is going on with my lack of appetite and food consumption and weight gain? not even stagnation - gain?

i am going to really push it with these goals for a month and if i still can't fit into my current clothes and am of unreasonable and unhappy size, i am going to go back to the doctor.

immediate goals

1. i will not order any more food in. none. ever. it's fatty, it's expensive and i live mega close to a 24 hour super market.

2. i will drink as much water as i have been or more. (90+ounces)

3. i will eat or have 100% juice for 5 fruit / veg servings a day.

4. i will stock up on healthy food.

5. i will bring food to school, saving money and eating less unnecessary crap.

6. i will use my exerbike for one hour 3 times a week.

7. i will continue to stretch everyday.

8. i will eat healthier snacks at night.

9. i will make honest efforts at all these.

10. I WILL LOVE MYSELF DESPITE ALL MY FAULTS.

today i had coffee throughout the day as usual, oatmeal, bluberrry/pomegrante juice, flax/almond/honey bar, peanuts, iced tea. not enough fruits, vegetables, substance. i walked to bus-stops and on campus. and stretched. and drank water. not bad. not great.